62d entry to the Colonel`s Scrapbook
October 19th
Born
1899 Miguel Asturias Guatemala, poet/novelist/diplomat (Nobel 1967),so far the only Central American writer who has gotten the Nobel Award,even though some have even drafted letters to beg for that award
deaths
1983 Maurice Bishop prime minister of Grenada & others murdered in coup after the US 82d airborne division fell on the tiny Caribbean island, my eyes still tear when I remember him,.I met him when he came to Nicaragua
1812 Napoleon begins his retreat from Moscow, his ass halñf frozen, it would thaw in blood 3 years later when he was defeated at Waterloo
1818 US & Chicasaw Indians sign a treaty , and thus disaster settles in1845 Wagner's opera Tannhauser performed for 1st time , not his best by the way1849 Elizabeth Blackwell became 1st woman in US to receive medical degree,it was about time
ETIQUETTE IN THE CYBERBOUDOIR…DON’T TICKLE ME!
Globalization is here to stay, although it started a good thousand of years before, and conquerors like Alexander the Great had their own candle in this long funeral.The world has become a village that can be spanned by internet. Now it is perfectly safe to hear someone say he has a lover in Scandinavia when he dwells in the middle of Dark Africa, having his connection by laptop right under the largest tree in the jungle. We must better believe him,my dear.We are nobody to say that is a lie,because we surely know it isn’t,although sometimes I find that mos l anguages don`t have words to define these type of relationships. How valid are they,many may ask But the tears, pains,anger and laughter you can find in the fact that you are “dating” or “seeing” someone from across the world are not virtual. Sir,they are real. And so sometimes,when these relationships edge on the ridiculous part of life,the peals of laughter are real.
Let`s say I am a turquoise colored cat who just landed on earth,I am a citizen of Mars although the NASA will never credit me for being here and least of all existent.
Okay,this turquoise cat will go through the vocabulary used. All the aberrations committed against poor language.The gonnas,brbs and stuff.That is nothing, that can be forgiven. If I sit down to analyze a couple, one of them in Japan and the other one in Mali. The “cybersuitor” asked the lady being wooed to catwalk in front of the camera, which in itself is a lack of respect. He lays out all the instruments on the span covered by the camera, and starts making noises,hums,and all sorts of things. Meanwhile, the woman tries to see that nobody sees her,oh hour difference, because she is at work and he may be at home. Doesn`t dry humping seem so funny until you realize how pathetic it is? Like if you were doing push-ups and the human pillow beneath you suddenly upped and left? The French always have had a better way to put it,”tous les animaux sont tristes après l`amour”,all animals get sad after lovemaking. What are you going to grab when the legs get back in place, whatever has to be spilled was spilt, and the warmth goes out of your body…?The cam? The PC, come on people! This is the bestof cases, in which the fleeting satisfaction was perfect yet always ephimeral,
How many things can go wrong in a cyber-courtship?
The question has so many answers as stars the heavens possesses. How can anything be taken for granted? Excuses are abundant. How do you get someone to open his messenger if he simply doesn`t feel like it?After the tantrum, or the mean games, the manipulation, the blackmail, excuses come streaming down his beard or across her breasts. The net fell, my cat pissed on the webcam, no energy sorry, I was asleep, I forgot, whatever. The things people ask for in the chat! So far I have been wooed for an imaginary marriage, asked for non virtual money in a screaming,whining monster tone, demanded to send a laptop because I have more money than the person who asked, a crazy Sihk who had cut off his hair to be more American, asking me to come and have his baby and if the kid was a girl, to accept being packed back to Nicaragua, a lesbian who wanted me to lap dance for her, doing a s trip tease with my gala army general`s uniform. There are no limits to the things people can do,and although some may be endearing, like leaving the webcam open so you see the sleeping beauty of the Arab prince snoring and farting in his sleep, the farts looking like little bubbles in the ether of the webcam, sorry to be so graphic or even pornographic. I have also almost presenced a suicide with an old fashioned stylo, so dramatic I wanted to sing an aria from Puccini`s Madama Butterfly,but was too busy telling the fool to stop… and doing some screaming myself. Proposals for genetic experiments, pleas for money in exchange for rosy messages, an old fart asking for a belly dance on cam and if I did it he would give me the Sphynx as a gift, Sending it by DHL,straight to my bedside.
Are there policies or rules to follow? What is churlish,caddish,knavish and base, and what is gallant? The best of all cases I have heard about came from one of my sister`s friends, and it is the one of a big gorilla-looking monster who would command his “lover” from Dubai, grunting to her to never wear miniskirts, nor deal with men at her job,and threatening he would appear any day in her native city of Leòn, whisk her away and set her up in a triple locked apartment in Dubai, naked except for earrings and toe rings,waiting to satisfy him only. No marriage either because he had a wife in India, as if the poor lady would have ever wanted that. Should there be unwritten rules to outlaw some practices? How many have been astounded when a guy asks them to do unmentionable things like putting chicken bones into their ears or the whole hand where there is no business putting the hand into?
The messages outside the yahoo or hotmail are also worthy of a soap opera.Once Erica Jomg said that each country deserved its own circus, with Italy having the Catholic Church,Spain the bullfights. But all humanunkind loves to ridicule itself,so the whole world makes a bigger circus than the bloody one the Romans had,killing all those poor animals. The animals we kill in this circus of internet are the shadows of the ourselves we could have been. Sometimes the messages left on places like tagged,facebox,hi5 and fanbox are pathetic and reflect our human miseries in the most vivid way. “Don`t be a butterfly man, you are mine, I will be sad,” or ·the others are only that but you have shown me how much you love me” written by a poor Colombian woman with a cucumber nose and 70 kilos of overweight, and by the way in the poorest grammar I have ever seen in my 32 years of teaching English. Richard Strauss`Don Juan tone poem wafts out of the speakers of my PC as I write this,and the irony is too much to bear. How sick can we be to leave our droppings behind, like cows do as they walk towards their abattoir? No shame,no dignity,what does the ether of internet do to some people`s senses?
Sometimes I philosophize about the everyday craziness of the so called globalized world.How much seed and how many sighs are spent in front of a monitor?Or wasted?Could we have populated the earth again in seconds?Luckily, for those who do have cybersex sessions,they don`t leave anyone pregnant.
Erica Jong,not only for being Jewish and wiseass,happens to be one of my favourite writers. She builds real truths like the Taj Mahal. So when she says that those who watch porn deserve to be fucked with their eyes wide open and without joy, that applies to those for who the breakdown of their PC hurts more than the first bout of impotence or a lump in the so mauled upholstered breasts of a catwalk chick. How much meaning can there be in all those miss yous and love yous said after you have monkey-played with yourself in the saddest parody of love?All those crying scenes on cams,rolling around naked with the risk of catching a cold through your ass, come on, the other person will not even hear you sneeze or dry off your drippy reddened nose.
I know that for every thousand failure stories of meeting on the internet, there is a case or two of people who chatted,liked each other,met and married and now they have kids.
One in a zillion. Sorry to whet your appetites or wet your enthusiasm. Pragmatists like me will always catch my thumb under my chin and wonder how much chatouille,as the French say for bullshit,I am being fed. But we could be stoned in public as we placidly walk down the street, our heads not in the clouds but thinking of where the supper for tomorrow night will come from. Sometimes June 18th falls on you from the sky,like the alien ship we wish existed but probably doesn`t, and the spark is there,so much that you don`t need to turn your body into pretzel shape risking a fracture or getting caught by your boss, break wind like an old fan or debase yourself to the point that the selfsame person who asks for all those evidences of love ends up hating you for your unwise obedience. Words of love are too precious to be wasted on someone who won`t ever want to be in the same room as you are or throw his deck of cards on the same table with you to build a future together. If you ever have any doubt,ask yourself,would this chap or lady wish to hear Bartòk`s Music for Strings Percussion and Celesta with me while I lay in bed with the flu? If the answer is yes, then maybe you are one of those blessed ones for whom the onslaught of internet in a long ago globalized world can be the fair answer for your prayers.
October 19th
Born
1899 Miguel Asturias Guatemala, poet/novelist/diplomat (Nobel 1967),so far the only Central American writer who has gotten the Nobel Award,even though some have even drafted letters to beg for that award
deaths
1983 Maurice Bishop prime minister of Grenada & others murdered in coup after the US 82d airborne division fell on the tiny Caribbean island, my eyes still tear when I remember him,.I met him when he came to Nicaragua
1812 Napoleon begins his retreat from Moscow, his ass halñf frozen, it would thaw in blood 3 years later when he was defeated at Waterloo
1818 US & Chicasaw Indians sign a treaty , and thus disaster settles in1845 Wagner's opera Tannhauser performed for 1st time , not his best by the way1849 Elizabeth Blackwell became 1st woman in US to receive medical degree,it was about time
ETIQUETTE IN THE CYBERBOUDOIR…DON’T TICKLE ME!
Globalization is here to stay, although it started a good thousand of years before, and conquerors like Alexander the Great had their own candle in this long funeral.The world has become a village that can be spanned by internet. Now it is perfectly safe to hear someone say he has a lover in Scandinavia when he dwells in the middle of Dark Africa, having his connection by laptop right under the largest tree in the jungle. We must better believe him,my dear.We are nobody to say that is a lie,because we surely know it isn’t,although sometimes I find that mos l anguages don`t have words to define these type of relationships. How valid are they,many may ask But the tears, pains,anger and laughter you can find in the fact that you are “dating” or “seeing” someone from across the world are not virtual. Sir,they are real. And so sometimes,when these relationships edge on the ridiculous part of life,the peals of laughter are real.
Let`s say I am a turquoise colored cat who just landed on earth,I am a citizen of Mars although the NASA will never credit me for being here and least of all existent.
Okay,this turquoise cat will go through the vocabulary used. All the aberrations committed against poor language.The gonnas,brbs and stuff.That is nothing, that can be forgiven. If I sit down to analyze a couple, one of them in Japan and the other one in Mali. The “cybersuitor” asked the lady being wooed to catwalk in front of the camera, which in itself is a lack of respect. He lays out all the instruments on the span covered by the camera, and starts making noises,hums,and all sorts of things. Meanwhile, the woman tries to see that nobody sees her,oh hour difference, because she is at work and he may be at home. Doesn`t dry humping seem so funny until you realize how pathetic it is? Like if you were doing push-ups and the human pillow beneath you suddenly upped and left? The French always have had a better way to put it,”tous les animaux sont tristes après l`amour”,all animals get sad after lovemaking. What are you going to grab when the legs get back in place, whatever has to be spilled was spilt, and the warmth goes out of your body…?The cam? The PC, come on people! This is the bestof cases, in which the fleeting satisfaction was perfect yet always ephimeral,
How many things can go wrong in a cyber-courtship?
The question has so many answers as stars the heavens possesses. How can anything be taken for granted? Excuses are abundant. How do you get someone to open his messenger if he simply doesn`t feel like it?After the tantrum, or the mean games, the manipulation, the blackmail, excuses come streaming down his beard or across her breasts. The net fell, my cat pissed on the webcam, no energy sorry, I was asleep, I forgot, whatever. The things people ask for in the chat! So far I have been wooed for an imaginary marriage, asked for non virtual money in a screaming,whining monster tone, demanded to send a laptop because I have more money than the person who asked, a crazy Sihk who had cut off his hair to be more American, asking me to come and have his baby and if the kid was a girl, to accept being packed back to Nicaragua, a lesbian who wanted me to lap dance for her, doing a s trip tease with my gala army general`s uniform. There are no limits to the things people can do,and although some may be endearing, like leaving the webcam open so you see the sleeping beauty of the Arab prince snoring and farting in his sleep, the farts looking like little bubbles in the ether of the webcam, sorry to be so graphic or even pornographic. I have also almost presenced a suicide with an old fashioned stylo, so dramatic I wanted to sing an aria from Puccini`s Madama Butterfly,but was too busy telling the fool to stop… and doing some screaming myself. Proposals for genetic experiments, pleas for money in exchange for rosy messages, an old fart asking for a belly dance on cam and if I did it he would give me the Sphynx as a gift, Sending it by DHL,straight to my bedside.
Are there policies or rules to follow? What is churlish,caddish,knavish and base, and what is gallant? The best of all cases I have heard about came from one of my sister`s friends, and it is the one of a big gorilla-looking monster who would command his “lover” from Dubai, grunting to her to never wear miniskirts, nor deal with men at her job,and threatening he would appear any day in her native city of Leòn, whisk her away and set her up in a triple locked apartment in Dubai, naked except for earrings and toe rings,waiting to satisfy him only. No marriage either because he had a wife in India, as if the poor lady would have ever wanted that. Should there be unwritten rules to outlaw some practices? How many have been astounded when a guy asks them to do unmentionable things like putting chicken bones into their ears or the whole hand where there is no business putting the hand into?
The messages outside the yahoo or hotmail are also worthy of a soap opera.Once Erica Jomg said that each country deserved its own circus, with Italy having the Catholic Church,Spain the bullfights. But all humanunkind loves to ridicule itself,so the whole world makes a bigger circus than the bloody one the Romans had,killing all those poor animals. The animals we kill in this circus of internet are the shadows of the ourselves we could have been. Sometimes the messages left on places like tagged,facebox,hi5 and fanbox are pathetic and reflect our human miseries in the most vivid way. “Don`t be a butterfly man, you are mine, I will be sad,” or ·the others are only that but you have shown me how much you love me” written by a poor Colombian woman with a cucumber nose and 70 kilos of overweight, and by the way in the poorest grammar I have ever seen in my 32 years of teaching English. Richard Strauss`Don Juan tone poem wafts out of the speakers of my PC as I write this,and the irony is too much to bear. How sick can we be to leave our droppings behind, like cows do as they walk towards their abattoir? No shame,no dignity,what does the ether of internet do to some people`s senses?
Sometimes I philosophize about the everyday craziness of the so called globalized world.How much seed and how many sighs are spent in front of a monitor?Or wasted?Could we have populated the earth again in seconds?Luckily, for those who do have cybersex sessions,they don`t leave anyone pregnant.
Erica Jong,not only for being Jewish and wiseass,happens to be one of my favourite writers. She builds real truths like the Taj Mahal. So when she says that those who watch porn deserve to be fucked with their eyes wide open and without joy, that applies to those for who the breakdown of their PC hurts more than the first bout of impotence or a lump in the so mauled upholstered breasts of a catwalk chick. How much meaning can there be in all those miss yous and love yous said after you have monkey-played with yourself in the saddest parody of love?All those crying scenes on cams,rolling around naked with the risk of catching a cold through your ass, come on, the other person will not even hear you sneeze or dry off your drippy reddened nose.
I know that for every thousand failure stories of meeting on the internet, there is a case or two of people who chatted,liked each other,met and married and now they have kids.
One in a zillion. Sorry to whet your appetites or wet your enthusiasm. Pragmatists like me will always catch my thumb under my chin and wonder how much chatouille,as the French say for bullshit,I am being fed. But we could be stoned in public as we placidly walk down the street, our heads not in the clouds but thinking of where the supper for tomorrow night will come from. Sometimes June 18th falls on you from the sky,like the alien ship we wish existed but probably doesn`t, and the spark is there,so much that you don`t need to turn your body into pretzel shape risking a fracture or getting caught by your boss, break wind like an old fan or debase yourself to the point that the selfsame person who asks for all those evidences of love ends up hating you for your unwise obedience. Words of love are too precious to be wasted on someone who won`t ever want to be in the same room as you are or throw his deck of cards on the same table with you to build a future together. If you ever have any doubt,ask yourself,would this chap or lady wish to hear Bartòk`s Music for Strings Percussion and Celesta with me while I lay in bed with the flu? If the answer is yes, then maybe you are one of those blessed ones for whom the onslaught of internet in a long ago globalized world can be the fair answer for your prayers.
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